Adapted from an essay posted June 8, 2006
So. You've just gotten your first bartending job, or you're considering looking for one, and you are looking for a little advice from someone who's been there. What do you need to know? How do you go about actually being a competent bartender?
There are many skills that go into tending bar, and you need at least SOME level of all of them. They include:
- Knowledge of drinks -- what goes into a Manhattan, a Greyhound, a Madras.
- The skills of mixing drinks -- how to shake, how to strain, how to stir.
- How to do a three-count pour -- to use a speed pourer to pour a perfect 1.5 oz (45 ml) of liquor out of a bottle without measuring.
- An ability to mix drink after drink after drink in fifteen seconds each, time after time, reasonably close to perfectly. This involves things like being able to hear four or five drink orders at once, figuring out how to lay them out on the bar so you only have to pick up the vodka once, the gin once, the orange juice once, and so forth. Don't go TOO overboard on that kind of thing, though -- if you push it too far, you will end up screwing up drinks. Still, if you have a vodka tonic and a Cape Codder ordered at once, put ice in two highball glasses, put them on your work surface side by side, pour the vodka into both glasses without stopping (that is, when you've got 1.5 oz of vodka in the first glass, just move the bottle over to the second glass without turning the bottle upright in between), put the vodka away, open the tonic and the cranberry juice if they're not open, pour both simultaneously, one with each hand, put them down and away, stir both drinks with both hands, put limes in both, and serve. If you use both hands, you can serve faster.
- A sympathetic face if people want to listen, wit and charm if people want to banter, charisma and likability in general.
- Knowledge of the laws concerning alcohol consumption in your state, familiarity with IDs and fake IDs, ability to identify people who are already drunk, ability to refuse service without offending anyone
- Appreciation of alcohol yourself is beneficial, but not strictly necessary. You could imagine a vegetarian cook being able to grill a perfect steak, or a baker with a gluten allergy able to bake a good loaf of wheat bread. But it would be more difficult, because the cook would have to rely on other people for feedback. It could be done, though, and you can become a decent bartender without, yourself, drinking. It's just much EASIER if you can go home and practice your Bloody Mary recipe and taste the results yourself.
- Ability to pull a good beer from a tap, with an appropriate amount of head, not too much, not too little.
- Ability to open a bottle of champagne without injuring or spraying anyone. And to pour glasses of champagne.
- Ability to open a bottle of wine quickly and efficiently. And to pour glasses of wine.
- Ability to open a bottle of beer without getting shards of glass everywhere. (Hey, I managed to injure myself that way once. . . ) And to pour it.
- Ability to do basic math in your head to charge for drinks and make change quickly and accurately.
Of all of these skills, the least important is "knowledge of drinks".
Oh, it's useful, don't get me wrong. The reason to memorize drinks is "speed". But, if you don't know an obscure drink, look it up. Always carry a bartender's black book on the job, and if someone orders something weird, look it up. You don't need to know what's in a Dead Nazi (Jagermeister and Rumpleminz peppermint schnapps, for what it's worth -- it's MILDLY less disgusting than either Jagermeister or Rumpleminz on their own, but is still nasty) if you can look it up. And if there's a run on them, and you have to make twenty of them, you'll remember it after the second or third time you've looked it up. You should know the basics, things you're likely to be asked for, because, a) it saves time, and b) it's really embarrassing if you don't. Still, even the basics, people don't order using the cool drink names. I've probably served five times as many "Vodkas and Cranberry" as "Cape Codders", and for the hundreds (thousands? Naw, MAYBE a thousand, but not thousands) of Rums and Coke I've served, I've served three Cuba Libres. Heck, I've been asked for a "vodka and orange juice". I mean, c'mon, is there any drink whose name is better known than "screwdriver"?
There are benefits to being a bartender. As a bartender, you're treated better than in any other service job I can think of. If you've ever worked retail, or waited tables, or worked phone tech support, you'll know that people get incredibly testy when they have to wait, no matter how slammed YOU are. Most people see how long THEY'VE had to wait, and have no sympathy for what YOU'RE going through.
Bartending is the only exception. And that's among the reasons I love tending bar. If people are packed five deep around your bar, and it takes fifteen minutes to get a drink, hardly anybody takes it out on you. I mean, I guess if you were standing there talking on your cell phone and NOT working, people might rip you limb from limb (and you'd deserve it), but so long as you're working flat out and doing your best, nobody is really bothered. I don't know why -- maybe it's because they SEE you working so they know you're not slacking, maybe it's just a matter of expectations -- if you see a crowd at the bar, you know it's going to take a while, and, besides, it's a bar, it's like that.
If you pour the wrong drink, and have to remake one, there's a 1/3 chance the NEXT person in line will say, "Oh, what the hell, just give me THAT one you already made," and you won't have to throw it out. And if you do have to throw it out, big deal, you're expected to screw up every once in a while. Just not TOO often.
Heck, if you serve the wrong drink -- not like in a SERIOUS manner, but, like, putting ginger ale instead of Sprite in something, half the time, people won't even NOTICE, or, if they DO notice, won't particularly care. That said, don't serve the wrong drink. You're a professional; act like it.
If you're both serving customers and acting as a service bartender -- serving drinks both directly, and mixing them for the waitstaff to serve at tables -- the waitstaff gets priority. It's not 100%, if there's one guy at the bar, and he's been waiting for five minutes, and there are still more waitstaff waiting for their drinks to be filled, go ahead and help that one guy out before going back to service bartending, but, in general, help out your coworkers.
Similarly, start your shift with setting things up correctly, polishing things, making things look nice. Don't skimp on that. And your shift isn't over until everything's clean and put away. Don't leave extra work for everyone else to do. Help your co-workers, and they'll be more willing to help you. Besides, it's the right thing to do. You're part of a team -- your job is to make the restaurant, bar, club, or function run well and smoothly.
If you're working functions, your job involves carrying tables beforehand, putting tablecloths and skirts on them, and setting up glasses. And it involves carrying bags of garbage out to the dumpster afterward. Don't try to weasel out of the gross parts of the job. Unless, like, you're seventy years old and have diabetes and a bad back. If you're a septuagenarian bartender, okay, fine, I'll carry your trash for you if you ask, and won't expect you to carry tables. Not that I'm going to stop you from carrying tables if you go for it -- there are plenty of seventy-year-old bartenders who are in better shape than I am.
Sure, if you're seven months pregnant, or are on crutches, or just got hit with bad food poisoning or something, it's okay to avoid the heavy-lifting parts. But find bits that you CAN do. Everybody works until the job is done, or, at least, until the manager sends you home.
Don't be afraid to ask for help. And don't be afraid to give help, when you can. Everybody started out some time, and most of your co-workers will be happy to help teach you the tricks they've picked up. After all, it's better to be working alongside someone competent -- it's in their best interest to help you become as competent as you can become. And never stop learning. If you see someone folding napkins in an interesting way, and you have a free minute, ask them to teach you -- and then do enough work helping them fold napkins so that they come out ahead of the game. That last part is important: when someone helps you, help them at least as much.
Tending bar is a wonderful job, and it's worth doing well. Always be on the lookout for ways to learn to do it better. If you always do your best, your best will continue to improve. Be someone you'd want to work alongside.
Those are a few of the things I've learned so far. And I'm always learning more.